Lost Without Each Other
by Jasmine Shigeru
Summary: 8 of 15. Meryl's feelings after Vash leaves and Vash's feelings after a long journey to Knives.
1. Chapter 1

Part One

My door shuts and I collapse to the floor my body is quaking and my vision is blurred by my tears. I am no longer strong. I was being brave in letting Vash go, but now I am weak. And beyond that, I am numb. Paralyzed.

Vash is gone. The love of my life is gone. Without him I feel empty and lost. There is no pain, just a numbness so consuming it makes it hard to breathe. I understand I should feel pain at my loss, but I don't. I'm just nothing, it's just nothing. My tears say I'm in pain but I can't feel it.

I blink and my tears continue to fall. I do not wipe them away. I just sit. My arms too heavy to move anyway.

I'm hopeless. Without Vash I feel nothing. I want to hate him, but I can't, I just can't. How do you hate someone who's so noble, he'd give up a home, happiness, a future, everything for his brother.

Knives, it's all his fault. He managed to take Vash away from me again. First it was to his defeat and now to his care. Knives will always come first and I must accept that. Love cannot came between brothers. Especially twin brothers.

Now, I want to hate Knives, but it's not his fault either. Vash is a loyal person. Probably had been all his life. I can't fault Knives for what Vash is. I can't hate the man who took my love away from me. I just can't.

I gasp, breathing was still a chore for me, and I fall over, hitting the floor hard. I did not even flinch on impact. My tears continue to fall, dampening my rug. I lie there for over an hour. My body tiring and slumber calling me.

I want Vash to come back. I want to call out to him. But that is impossible. I must accept this. I must accept Vash is never coming back, not this time.

I made it two years without him. I can make a lifetime.

Slowly rising, I get up off the floor and drag myself to my bedroom. There I undress and redress into my nightshirt. I climb into my bed and cover myself with my blanket and for the first time in weeks, I fall asleep alone.

END OF PT.1


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two (Vash's POV)

I got off the bus traveling west; I was, now, only a few miles away from Knives. It has been two weeks since I left December and I was only half a day's journey to my brother. I had not realized how close to civilization the old ship had been. I knew I should have been worried. What if, after he was healed, Knives were to attack the city, but I was feeling nostalgic. My two week journey reminded me of my lonely days before Wolfwood, before my final battle with Knives, before the girls.

Solitude and it was surprisingly unwelcomed. I had gotten used to his Meryl's presence. I have gotten used to Millie and her son, Matt. They were only people other than Knives that he cared for. They were only ones alive anyway. Well, the only ones that was terribly close to me.

During my journey, I, the infamous Vash the Stampede, discovered that the things I had always done by myself before, I enjoyed doing with someone else. Eating alone left my appetite unsatisfied, no matter how much I ate. Sleeping alone was unbearable. Without Meryl there was no point in sleeping at all. I would toss and turn, missing her small body against mind.

I sigh, my precious Meryl, the love of my very long life. How do I miss thee?

The darling woman was so very important to me. She was my complete opposite. From her hair color and height to her perfectionists attitude. My hair was blond while hers was black. I'm tall and she short. She was very young compared to me and yet she was way more mature than me, but she held an innocence to her that I had lost a long time ago. All was the opposite except for our optimistic view of the world. We both had hope for a brighter future.

That was what made us so perfect together. I sigh. And I asked her to not wait for me. I choked back my outrage and tears. I told the woman I love not to wait for me, to move on and find someone else. Man, was Wolfwood, Meryl, Knives, and several other people I had come across over the years right, I was an idiot.

Now, all I could do was wonder. Would she? Could she? Could she marry someone who wasn't me? Could she have his children? Would she even be happy if years later I pass her by?

"_Pathetic_," came a cold voice in my head.

I hadn't even realized I had automatically walked into the fallen ship I had left my brother. I couldn't believe, I didn't even notice the change of lighting or temperature. It was burning hot outside and the sunlight was blinding. But in the ship the air was cool, almost cool enough to make me shiver from the cold and the lighting was dim to none. The power in the ship had long died down to only be backup power and most of that was focused on the pod Knives was in.

"_What, Vash, no hello?_" Knives continued telepathically. "_Or are you still too preoccupied with your thoughts of your human pet?_"

"_She's not my pet," I answered in with my mind. "I love her!"_

"_As I said before, pathetic," Knives said with disgust. "My brother in love with a human."_

"_Shall I show you all that I shared with that human?" _I threatened.

"_For the love of God, no," _Knives felt sick at the thought.

"_Then you will shut up when it comes to Meryl," _I demanded.

I smiled and released my brother from his pod. He was still unconscious. I placed him over my shoulder.

"_What are you doing?" _Knives questioned knowing that he was being moved.

"_I'm going home, Knives," _I answered.

Talking to Knives and the thought of Meryl with another man made me decide to go back to her. I would have to take care of my brother and keep a ridiculous close eye on him when he's healed, but I wasn't going to postpone my life any longer. I was finally going to live it with the woman I loved.

"_And you're coming with me. You're going to meet your future sister-in-law." _I finish with a chuckle as Knives gave a mental groan in protest.

END OF PT. 2


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